The Five Traits of the True Religion of God

[binbahis]

بوحي مباشر من موضوع الزميل الرائع شنكوح.


Some people were unfortunate to be born to a false religion. Therefore I have prepare this handy brief guide called the “Traits of the True Religion of God”. These are undeniable traits that any sensible man would expect to find in the true religion of God. Once you find a religion with these traits, then rest assured that you have landed at the ultimate truth.

1. The Ultimate Goal of Being: Under the true religion of God, the ultimate goal of being is to praise a supreme creator that does not need us or our praise--a being that is so unimaginably powerful that He would be deeply wounded and offended either if you believe that He needs your praise (of course he doesn’t, you dumb****), or if you deny Him your praise (Feel free to choose your way to Hell).

2. How to Communicate: Everybody knows that the best way for a God to communicate with his creatures is to send one man to the whole universe. Now seriously, how else would He communicate with His creatures? Talk to us like we do with each other?! Nah! One man--to the whole universe. Only an ignorant can fancy there are better ways to do it.

3. Choosing the Revelation Site: I believe it does not make any sense whatsoever for the true religion of God to be revealed in a well-educated and advanced part of the world--of course not. Do you want people to be able to immediately make reliable records of the true Messenger’s sayings, directives, and practices? Nope, the last thing a true God would want to do is precisely that. Actually, it is totally obvious that any super intelligent being would want to throw His true Messenger in some of the least educated parts of the world where there are barely any reliable tools to record anything, and allow his sayings and practices to be properly recorded only 150+ years after his death. I will never be dumb enough to follow a messenger whose sayings and practices were properly recorded during his lifetime. Only a fake religion would do such a thing.

4. Revelation Timing: Well you know, God sent His Messenger to save mankind from Hell and guide them to the true path. Therefore, it only makes sense that God would wait until a few million people have died for utterly no reason at all before He sends his true Messenger to save and guide to the true path.. a few hundred thousands in the middle of the desert?

5. Holy Book:
Now we come to the Holy Book (any true God must have some really good writings, obviously). But it must not be like any other writing. The criteria of greatness of our mortal world shall never be applied to those of supreme powers. Such fine writings are supposed to require a few tens of “practiced scholars” to decipher them to regular, simple-minded followers. And of course even then all these ten-to-forty something scholars might still get it all wrong. But who cares? Like we’re going to need that understanding to govern our lives or know how to treat each other or kill who and spare who’s life?

So, these are my big five traits for finding the true religion of God. Since you’re reading my essay already, I assume you are not one of the wretched souls that were born in the wrong place (e.g. Amazon jungles) or time (e.g. before the true Messenger was sent) and lived and died for no reason. All you have to do to save yourself from hellfire is search and find the religion that meets all these intuitive five criteria.

Ah and by the way, I almost forgot to tell you this very important piece of information: Make sure *not* to call the true God by the wrong name as this really pisses Him off.

[daverob96]

2. How to Communicate: Everybody knows that the best way for a God to communicate with his creatures is to send one man to the whole universe. Now seriously, how else would He communicate with His creatures? Talk to us like we do with each other?! Nah! One man--to the whole universe. Only an ignorant can fancy there are better ways to do it.

You mean a dog who created everything but send men that tell
contradictions and perform cruelties.This same dog cannot even use the internet (which is one of its creations) to chat with its people or to send them private emails to introduce itself.